Tardiness is one of those frowned-upon consequences of attendance that, at times, cannot be avoided, yet seems to be rather heavily discouraged. Outright absenteeism can understandable be considered a cardinal sin of the workforce, but should mere lateness be subjected to such scrutiny?
Whether you are genuinely late for your job or just want to sleep in and need an effective story, there are a few excuses out there that might just do the trick.
Remember when you were a kid and dinosaurs were the coolest thing to ever exist? Perhaps you had a favorite species, like the super Stegosaurus or the terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex. Whatever it was, conjure that memory and simply relay the story as you imagine it would happen. While your supervisor may not be amused and even dare to doubt your tale, by the time your co-workers are enraptured with the thrilling recollection of the event, the benefit of an eager audience may outweigh the consequences of ever being late in the first place.
Many employees can already attest to the effectiveness of sick-day excuses, like a violent round of vomiting (perhaps that nasty stomach flu that has been going around?) or a horrific case of diarrhea. Whichever the case may be, if you truly just need an excuse for being late rather than being gone altogether, just act like you were terribly sick but only for an hour or so. Maybe you can claim an incredibly resilient immune system, or act like it is perfectly normal to go through the full motions of food poisoning without twenty minutes.
When all else fails, confess freely. Just come out and straight-up admit that you are a terrible, lazy employee who not only should not have a position, but probably did not deserve that latest raise you received. With any luck, your boss will either sympathize with and comfort you, shrug it off as another sad fact of your existence, or laugh at your brilliant bit of dry wit.
Perhaps you moonlight for an intelligence agency and had to handle an urgent matter of national security before you could get to the office this morning. Maybe the fate of the entire planet was in the balance, or at least the lives of a few innocent citizens. Would this really be so hard to believe? If it is, maybe you have been going about this “career” thing the wrong way this entire time, and should have spent more time seeming paranoid, secretive, and really important.
There are probably other, even better excuses out there, but this repertoire should be enough. Master the storyline for each, change it a little bit each time, and with some practice, you will have every weapon you need in the war against punctuality and timeliness.
Honorable Mention: Time spent surfing the reviews of classic Nintendo video games at NintendoLegend.com.