You are divorced for a year and have a young daughter of thirteen who is still recovering from the experience. You meet a man at the single support group that you attend once a week and after some time you bring him to the house and he meets your daughter. The relationship seems to be going well and one day a few weeks later you have an appointment and you ask him if he would mind picking her up at school. He says he will, and in the car on the way home he asks her if she is a good girl. The way he says it is suggestive and she comes home and tells you. You know your daughter well and know that she would never have told you if she hadn’t genuinely sensed something that made her feel unsafe in his company. What do you do? Do you talk about it? He is a potential mate, and she is your child. Is he the right man to have around?
This is a dilemma for all single mothers with young girls. Some single moms might think the daughter had misinterpreted and because of her own dependency on the man, might give him the benefit of the doubt. Others will confront the man without knowing all the facts. But is her daughter telling the truth? Is she afraid that the new man in her mother’s life might take her mom away from her?
There is only one thing to consider: the safety of your child. She might indeed have stretched the truth, but it doesn’t matter. Feelings are subjective. What your daughter felt in the car can’t be ignored. It is these small warning signs that tell us to be careful. Does this man mean so much that you are prepared to continue the relationship and risk her emotional wellbeing? Just end it. You need not explain anything to him. Your daughter has to know she can trust you. Once there are feelings of unease in a relationship, it won’t work. It will be hard on your ego, but your child’s safety comes first.