Job Interview With a Vampire, – Part One

(The scene begins in darkness as there sit two figures, an odd looking male figure we shall refer to a Aesop on the left…and a dim shadowy looking female figure we shall refer to as Elle on the right…and so begins the conversation that follows.)

AESOP :
I am a gentle man
I am a mechanical man
An alchemical man
Not man at all really
I wish to find a mentor
Can you help me on my path???

ELLE :
What help may i give you if i can
What do you require

AESOP:
You are my first, I shall never forget your sacrifice…
I will give my one robotic eye for you
And die a thousand times over
So that you might live

ELLE :
You need my help. You will tell me whats wrong

AESOP :
I am a man but really am more machine than man.
I wish to be like your kindred. immortal and transcentant of both flesh and transistors.
I have only one red electrical eye and a battery powered heart , yet I wish to serve the greater powers and perhaps find a true path
Beep beep

ELLE :
You wish to become an immortal. But yet you are half a mashine
Why you wish to no longer be a mortal

AESOP:
The half of me that is machine will live for ever as long as i keep fresh batteries in my electronic heart and my psoitronic brain. But nearly half of me is mortal and is in a great deal of pain physically, and one day it will die and I will be a machine from my torso up – I want to have my whole body be able to last for ever. Is that not a fair and reasonable wish?

Plus they do not make solar powered batteries for robots yet…So I am up all night

ELLE :
It is fair but may i ask you what you know about immortals?

AESOP:
I have read nearly every book sacred text and religious codex mankind has written. When I was demoted from my position as an assassin with the Ford Motor Corporation. I went on the road hitchhiking. but noone ever picked me up…so I ended up walking all the way to the ancient Technochitlan pyramid in Mexico. There I met An ancient Jaguar priestess, who claimed to be 200 years old, she taught me astronomy, tantric sex, and she was also a skilled RN – she was hunted down recently by a bigoted group of catholic witchhunters who wanted access to her family estate. It was horrible. But she was my teacher…now I am lost…I also met a Navajo Skinwalker on my way back to the united states who sold me motoroil with peyote in it…

And I have detailed files about every vampiric history ever put to paper

I also have very sharp teeth

ELLE :
You are taught so many from your teacher. You arent lost
Just confused

AESOP:
So you do not think I should aspire to be a vampire?So far you are the only of you kind that seems to care about me, I Robot…by that alone, I judge you to be very wise if still untested…

I once knew a woman who changed my mother board for me and did not just shut me off and leave me for dead. She was very wise also…Until she was put in prision for stock trading fraud. now she lives with her wife in san quentin

Noone has even spoken to me since

Once a man tried to shove a quarter in my eye for a Pepsi, so I pushed him away from me hard – but a bus came right then and ran him over…felt bad, so I washed him off the road

I like the smell of blood

ELLE :
I didnt say that my friend
I myself was sick when i turned to an immortal but you see im still new to this thing and its hard for me to tall you a lot cause im stil learning I would want to tell you something that is not true

The taste and the smell of the blood is rich

AESOP:
Do you like being immortal”?

I know what it is to like…
I like two things

I like cats. A mama cat once made her bed of kittens while I was recharging my drycels and for two months I had a liter of kittens in my body frame – cats are very clean and very warmI also like to kill humansThere is always some reason. Living humans are always being unspeakably evil…especially to mechanical lifeforms/ Just most mornings a toaster cannot retalate
But they would if they could

ELLE:
I like it but sometimes it has it bads
I love cats

AESOP:
I got a job as animal trainer, oddly animals liked me quite a lot. I could tame lions, ride horses, even trained a chimpanezee to juggle and do highwire tricks…Then one dark day I was invited to go surf by a very older and very attractive teen age girl, we went to the beach and we swam and she taught me to surf a little bit. We even had a long kiss in the ocean tide and she got me drunk on beer and peanuts….Unfortunately she lost her top and it floated far from shore, I was dumb horny and unaware of a 25 foot mako shark out just past the dingy. go to rescue her yellow bikini top. And wake up missing most of the top half of my body….apparently they found pieces of me for miles washing on shore…

Noone knows what happened to the shark

ELLE:
ohhhh my Goodness

(Here ends the first scene…Darkness enshrouds the two…and the moon turns to Full.)

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