Want to wreck your car and complicate your life? Here is how to do it.

Working as a autobody technician, manager and now an instructor and an insurance appraiser, I’ve seen first hand what people do to cause accidents.

The following are based on customers comments to me on what caused their accident as well as my own experiences on the road.

  • When stopped at intersections in a line of cars, get reaaaaly close to the car in front of you. That way when the car behind you gets rammed, the driver gets two hits-for-one.
  • Tailgate on the freeway; this makes everyone hurry up and improves their level of attention.
  • At 4 way stops: DO NOT LOOK ALL WAYS BEFORE PROCEEDING; slow down for a second, then floor it, shooting through. Your cloak of invisibility will protect you until you clear the intersection.
  • Do talk on your cell phone endlessly ignoring the impatient drivers that would like to kill you because you’re still stopped at a green light. The nerve of some people…
  • Always do the speed limit–ALWAYS; even during heavy traffic,rain, snow, fog and the occasional plague of locusts.
  • Do get in fights with your mate and scream at your kids especially while you’re talking on the cell phone. Added points if you do this with several people in the car at freeway speeds or you reach back to smack one of the kids.
  • Be certain to leave late for a 30 minute trip with only 15 minutes in which to do it. The universe has a time warp that will allow you to arrive on time.
  • Always let your dog sit in your lap, hanging out the window as you drive. Extra points if you also talk on the phone while doing this.
  • Never learn to drive on ice and snow, or how to put on chains or studded tires in winter conditions. That is why God puts bumpers on cars…
  • Drinking and driving: I won’t even go there. Oh alright…Be certain to get snokkered before driving home at night.  Now the dentist can get that hard-to-reach spot on the teeth you left in your steering wheel.
  • Do get even with that kid that cut you off in traffic. Ram him through the intersection with your $45,000 Heavy Duty Ford truck. That will teach him…and you.
  • When parking on crowded streets and tight parallel spots, rely on sound instead of looking behind you.

Be safe out there, one person can make a difference.